The Nature of Hypocrisy

Just got finishd talkin’ with Chrysalis. She… killed Verrin. I had her word that she wouldn’t, but by accident, she did. I was furious for ’bout a second: “How can you accidently kill someone-”, I had been startin’ to rage, but…

Heh.

At the last meetin’ I spoke up for opening the Guards doors to every race of the Horde–for wantin’ people to qualify on what they’d done with the life given to ‘em, not what they were born as. I mean, either way it won’t bother me too much, though I do think that if we open past Sin’dorei, we need to be openin’ to everyone. S’only acceptable.

Ysabelle… well, I think she thinks that I only feel the way I do ’cause’ve Kaste, and that ain’t the reason. The Silverlord said somethin’ similar. Is that what it seems like, then? That I’m under a spell’ve Kaste’s, or somethin’? That we’re in love? Ugh.

We did… go on a date, though. Not a romantic date. A friendly date… with the objective of killin’ a certain Forsaken that had mind-controlled Kaste and sicced him on me like an attack dog. I…

I killed Kaste. It was a stupid accident.

I told Chrysalis that tonight. She’s the first one outside’ve Kaste that knows. She thought I’d condemn her for killin’ Verrin, and all I wanted to let her know that that I had no place judgin’ her. I killed a man I love. She killed Verrin. She broke an oath. I nearly broke myself. She could bring him back. I… I was left stunned, dazed… couldn’t call him back from the Nether on my own.

S’funny, how you think you’ll be upset to hear somethin’, until you realize that you’ve been in a similar spot.

So, I guess it is true. I do love Kaste. He sent me a letter, a while back, sayin’ the same–that he loves me. None’ve this is in the romantic way, though, ‘course. But I’d die for him. I’d die rather than hurt him. I want to see him happy. Bein’ with him makes me feel happy, like I can forget ’bout all’ve the weight that just bein’ in the Guard puts on my shoulders. He doesn’t expect nothin’ of me.

I love him like a brother, I s’pose. I mean, ‘course, I’ve never had any siblings. But like a brother… just a much taller, bluer one. One more time for the record, we ain’t together.

Verrin told me that he still loved me. Even after takin’ time and thinking ’bout he, he said that even knowin’ my darker side, that he loved me all the more. He’s offerin’ me unconditional acceptance, and I guess there’s a part’ve me that wants to run headlong into that and hide there. He asked me if I thought I could ever love him the same.

I… well, I don’t know. I make a point’ve not thinkin’ when I probably should. What I do know, is that right now I don’t want to fall for anyone. I know I’ve tended to talk big ’bout falling in love–that if it happened, it happened, if it didn’t, it didn’t–but now I just wanna avoid it. It’s too messy.

The Sound of Opportunity Knocking.

This has to be somewhat quick, as I need to get on my way towards Shadowfang Keep in a few moments. It’ll be my first time fighting alongside the Silverlord and Lady Kar’lei, so I suppose I can hope that I don’t make any stupid mistakes. But, eh, if I do? Things happen, and we’re all still learnin’.

The other night I had to go to the Undercity for the first time. A nice Sin’dorei lady saw me looking around all confused and helped me find my way in. Well, sure I’d've found it eventually, but I’m not the kinda person that’s gonna scoff at a friendly gesture, right? I dropped off an amulet to Lady Sylvannas, and she weren’t too happy about it. Can’t rightly blame her.

It felt kind’ve sick to see her. Not ’cause she’s dead, cause really I ain’t squeamish about them Forsaken folken like everyone else seems t’be, but… them Undead, they’re just so sad, innit? Just a sad situation.

Don’t like to think about what it would be like, never feeling warm again. I’m not a minion of bloodlust like some’ve us Sin’dorei, but I think I’d face the Nether rather’n never feel my heart all caught in my throat right before I fall onto my target. Or losing the feelin’ of plunging my blades so far into the gut of some creature that my arms’re encased up to the elbow, their body hot and twisting for the last time. Hell, just missin’ the heat of a lover’s breath, that dizzying fire… for all of what? Immortality, maybe. But what good’s the immortality of a stone-like thing?

Best get going.